Swimsuits found

The inexpensive plain black suit is acceptable.  It's not fantastic and the material feels cheap, but it will do the job for awhile.  The matching swim shorts are nice, despite having a tendency to balloon when I enter the water and make my backside look incredibly huge for a few seconds.  (Thanks for pointing it out, mom!)

© Lands' End

Lands' End is having a really great sale on swimsuits, up to 70% off, so I decided to order one.

I used their size chart, which is nutty because it puts me in 3 different sizes for hips, waist and bust.  I split the difference between hips and bust.  When the suit arrived, it was loose on top and bunchy everywhere else.

I realized I had used my measurements from a few months ago.  I've lost weight since then, but forgot to remeasure.  Duh.

© Lands' End

I did a return/reorder and got the next size down, which arrived today.  The waist is perfect, the bust is a smidgen tight but in a "wow cleavage" way.  The rear is still not quite right.  It seems mostly due to the leg openings being on the small side.  If I tug them down, they make a divot in my leg.  If I pull them up, there is extra fabric in the seat.  I almost miss the high leg holes that were popular the 90s.  Almost.  I'd rather have my ass covered.

I decided to just live with it.  I imagine the leg holes will loosen up once I wear it.  I think it is as good as it gets for a one-piece swimsuit when none of your parts are the same size.

I just want to go swimming already

Click to see full size.

This Cathy cartoon speaks the truth.

I've been having a hell of a time finding a swimsuit, but apparently I've been doing it wrong.  I've been looking for swimsuit sizes to match the the regular clothing size I wear.

A too small suit is not only uncomfortable, but looks terrible once you manage to get it on.  You know what is harder than putting on a too-small swimsuit?  Getting it off.  Talk about a moment of panic...what if I get stuck in it and need to call for help?!  Fortunately, I've only sustained minor injuries and sprains.

Looking at bigger tag sizes is not a problem.  The problem is that the larger the size, the more likely the suit will sport a  neon multi-colored floral pattern or has an idiotic cut like a high neck with a scoop back.  I'm also not fond of beads and metal doodads.

To make it worse, after checking my measurements against online sizing charts such as Lands' End, I've discovered that my hips, waist and bust may not all mutually fit into a one-piece, as each area of my body corresponds with a different size on the chart.  I've tried on separates with better success, but haven't found anything I like enough to buy.

In the extreme opposite end, I followed a blog link to a website called Torrid (meant for teens, I think) that shows models that are not twigs.  I clicked on a swimsuit and checked the size options - 0 to 4  ?!  Looking at the sizing chart, it shows that their 0 is actually a 12 in the real world.  WTFever.  Just because the tag says it does not make it true.

I found a one-piece swimsuit (plain black) and board shorts online, and used a coupon code that reduced the overall price by almost half.  It shipped a couple of days ago and tracking says it is in Illinois.  Wish me luck, but you might hear a really loud ACK!